Post-Breakup Depression

Why do people get depressed after a breakup? People often experience feelings of loneliness, loss of meaning, and emotional instability. And this is a natural reaction to the loss of a loved one.

How to overcome? The first step is to acknowledge your feelings. Don’t suppress your emotions or be ashamed of them. Talking to friends and family will help you express your feelings and get support. Taking up a hobby or sport will distract you from negative thoughts and improve your mood. Regular physical activity will increase the level of endorphins in your body, which will have a positive effect on your psycho-emotional state. If you’re passionate about mental well-being and self-care, you can write for us health and beauty.

Why Depression Occurs After a Breakup

To understand the mechanisms of this feeling, we need to look at the reactions that occur in the body. Conventionally, they are called "chemistry" because the processes are related to the work of the brain. When falling in love, a large dose of "happiness hormones" (dopamine and oxytocin) is released into the body.

The period that occurs before the onset of depression after separation from a loved one is divided into the following stages:

• When a couple falls in love, new feelings arise. The woman feels light, as if she is fluttering. Her body is under the influence of estrogen, a hormone responsible for women's health. In men, testosterone is responsible for this condition.
• When trying to achieve reciprocity from a loved one, dopamine is produced. It creates confidence in a person who wants to achieve what they want. Falling in love can cause stress because the body is dependent on cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones increase the heart rate and push people to rash actions.
• Addiction to love arises thanks to norepinephrine. It helps to maintain all the positive reactions that lovers associate with each other. Therefore, when parting, a person begins to feel melancholy, and the level of the happiness hormone, serotonin, significantly decreases.
• When positive attitudes are developed between lovers, their connection gradually strengthens. A person experiences a feeling of stability, it is important for him to receive the necessary level of oxytocin. Nature supports such a process so that humanity creates pairs for further reproduction.

When you break up, all positive attitudes begin to disappear. The chain of habitual rituals disappears, which turns on other mechanisms: the body experiences stress and builds up protection to avoid negative consequences.

The stress hormones released affect health, this can lead to disruptions in the digestive and immune systems, and affects the heart. It is no coincidence that they say that when you break up, it “shatters into pieces.”

When the brain does not have time to react correctly to stress, a person's general condition worsens, in addition to pain, he may experience malaise and feel very depressed. Depression after breaking up with a guy can become dangerous for a young lady if she has no experience in relationships.

For a mature person who has experienced more than one breakup, these experiences will seem nothing new.

It takes time to come to your senses. This process is different for each person, if the nervous system has already been shaken by some shocks, it will take a long time to recover.

Stages of experiencing a breakup

Negation

One of the first stages of depression after a breakup. At first, a person experiences real shock, thoughts swarm in his head that he could not have been abandoned, that everything that happened was a mistake.

How to cope: it is important not to let emotions overwhelm you completely, you need to find a balance, relying on positive attitudes. You also need to check your condition. If you have problems with sleep, you need to try to normalize this process, the same applies to nutrition and daily responsibilities.

You can't give up your usual way of life. It's better not to answer the question of what to do if you've fallen into severe depression after a breakup.

Anger

Depression after breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend does not go away right away. One day there comes a time when a person's thoughts become dark. He feels anger, accuses his ex-partner of all mortal sins. He does not understand why his loved one could act so cruelly.

Without experiencing anger, you cannot move on to the next stage. It is normal to be offended by perceived injustice, but you should not blame yourself for everything. Otherwise, you can allow the thought of self-destruction, which will corrode you from the inside.

What to do: It is better to think about why the breakup happened. Release anger through physical activity or creativity. Talk about your pain with someone who is ready to listen, do not withdraw and do not blame yourself.

Bargain

After irritation, thoughts about a possible reunion begin to appear in the head. A person is ready to do anything, just to get his beloved back. If the separation has already happened, you have been clearly made to understand that there will be no continuation, you need to stop dreaming about a mythical reconciliation.

At this stage of post-breakup depression, such reasoning activates a sense of guilt, the psyche begins to block out all the bad things that the person did to you. You try to look at life through "rose-colored glasses" instead of calmly sorting out the situation.

What to do: try to realize that your relationship consisted of feelings and attitudes of two people that may not coincide. Thinking that you can become a better version of yourself, and then the attitude will change is short-sighted. After all, perhaps after some time, your partner will again be unhappy with something about you. The race for perfection will turn into another failure and depression.

Depression

The feeling of emptiness inside comes with the realization that the relationship can no longer be returned. A person begins to reproach himself, because the body still demands to return the stability and joy that love brought. A depressive state can intensify if you do not work through your emotions.

It is believed that this stage lasts more than a month, but you cannot freeze and remain alone with your experiences. If you understand that depression after a breakup has covered you completely, it is better to contact a specialist, together determine which strategy for recovery should be chosen.

Acceptance

After realizing the emptiness inside, a swarm of new, unconscious thoughts comes. They can be connected with hope for the future. The emotional background is leveled, aggression and confusion go away.

What to do: It is important to work on your thoughts about the future. What do you really want from a relationship? What weaknesses prevented you from building happiness? Analyze your ex-partner's behavior. Was he or she always fair and honest with you?

Think about the image of a person who would suit you. No matter how long the depression after a breakup lasts, you need to decide how to save yourself.

Symptoms of Depression After a Breakup

Not all items from the list can be noticed. But in any case, it is important to listen to your well-being and analyze the condition. Symptoms close to signs of depression:

• my mood is at zero all day;
• what used to bring joy seems insignificant;
• fatigue from routine activities, rapid fatigue, decreased concentration at work;
• no desire to communicate with other people, isolation and loneliness;
• pessimism about the future, no prospects in sight;
• a feeling of insignificance, blaming oneself for all problems, being lost and confused;
• fear that arises before starting to do something new;
• unwillingness to make decisions, perform daily duties;
• thoughts that one could end one's life;
• loss of appetite, some people experience uncontrollable gluttony;
• hypochondria, a person thinks that he has caught some dangerous disease, if you look from the point of view of psychosomatics, then symptoms inherent in depression are observed;
• lack of normal sleep, anxiety, difficulty getting up and working in the morning. Some people experience constant fatigue, sleep for a long time, but cannot recover.

This can leave you at the starting point, which will not allow you to quickly get out of a dangerous state. Severe depression after a breakup begins if the problem is not addressed.

Tips for Overcoming Depression After a Breakup

It is impossible to say in one phrase how to cope with depression after a breakup. If you are currently in a broken state, you cannot control your feelings and emotions, it is important to catch yourself thinking that this is temporary.

In the future, with due attention, you will move to another stage of awareness of your problem. Therefore, do not try to get rid of the pain here and now, give yourself the opportunity to live these feelings, let them seem uncomfortable.

The main thing is to believe that you can handle it, and for this, universal advice will help you understand how to survive depression after a breakup:

• Suffer openly. Don't suppress your anger, cry it out. This is the first stage where you let your emotions out. You are not a machine, but a human being who, like everyone else, is weak. When the tears dry, calm will come, hope will appear, and the path to future changes will be paved.
• Accept that you feel bad at this point. But you are your own support, remember all the good things that life has given you. Turn to someone who is ready to listen and support you, do not think that your ex-lover was the only close person who understood you.
• Get rid of the feeling of guilt. It is destructive, does not give new experience, but only fixates on the negative. No one is to blame, separation can be considered a natural process, a growth point for the individual. What happened cannot be reversed. Think about the future, relying on this experience.
• It is impossible to return a relationship that has outlived its usefulness. If your partner has already made a conclusion, you should not try to convince him or her, or try to prove that you are ready to become a different person for him or her. Loneliness strengthens, allows you to understand yourself, and the fear of being alone pushes you to make chaotic, wrong decisions.
• Stop communicating with the person who made you go through a breakup. Don't call, don't write, don't stalk. If you think that you can immediately become friends, continue to encourage each other, then you are mistaken. Time will judge, and now it is important to support yourself and open yourself to new experiences.
• Erase traces of your past life. Get rid of things that belonged to the person you were in love with. These could be joint photos, their clothes, gifts. Clean up social networks, do not keep correspondence with your ex. If you are experiencing depression after breaking up with your husband or wife, you can even move.
• Involve your loved ones in the experience, if you have good relations with your relatives, do not be afraid to ask them for help. Clearly indicate that you do not need advice, but support. You can go on vacation together, clean up, sort out old things.
• You can make a health checklist. Check how much your activity level has dropped, make sports a routine, start with a short walk, then add exercises. Many people are helped by changing their image, for example, you can change your image, hairstyle, makeup. Record the moment of your changes, take a photo shoot.
• Decide on a hobby. You can try something new, decide to do something you dreamed about but didn’t allow yourself to do. Traveling will also help shift the focus from relationships to impressions. Do your usual things, work, communicate with colleagues, take courses or join a group of interests.
• Think about what can boost your self-esteem now. Talking to a psychologist or a friend who will support you can help. Appreciate what you have, and don’t dwell on the past.
• Help those around you, these could be friends, relatives, colleagues. You are vulnerable now, but focusing not only on yourself will allow you to get rid of repetitive thoughts.